Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
