So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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