HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
