porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
