Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize