i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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