Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
