the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
