i already hear my dad disowning me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Barsexuality is the new black.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
