Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I can text with my tongue
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
