What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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