Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
