Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize