Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
