APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
