How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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