WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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