Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
