I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
