Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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