His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
