What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
only you would photoshop your dick
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
