That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
