He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Your penis caused this!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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