i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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