My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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