i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
