she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
