i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
