I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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