new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize