So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
