if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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