fuck your aforementioned shoe
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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