i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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