where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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