you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
