just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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