Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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