puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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