at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
