I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
