Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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