I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
