Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
