hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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