Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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