That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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