I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize