in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize