He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize