Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
