you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
