im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
