Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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