i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
do nipples grow back?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
