yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
