absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
