Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
