I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
