After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
