I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
