I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
