Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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