The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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