i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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