My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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