I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she peed on how many people?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
