I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
