Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
