I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
