I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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