my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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