i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
