I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
