He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just high enough for therapy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
