you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
