I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize