There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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