Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
