i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
