Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
