I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
