Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
