If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
is that a dick in a sweater?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
