I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
honey bunches of taint.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
