We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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