I accidentally had phone sex last night
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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